Battle

from by The Edi Johnston Bit

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about

Having got into Rap battling and beatbox battling, I kind of fancied getting into it myself.....but it's tricky with just a Uke.

So this is what I came up with.

lyrics

I’m a “44” you’re just a “22” I can’t believe I’m wasting time battling you
Coz when it comes to competition I cannot be stopped or blocked it’s like I’m rocking a glock
You’ve not got a hope of beating me, that’s why I come strong with the heavy artillery
I’ve got the weapons I reckon are gonna deaden you, you’re heading into a danger zone you’re stepping through
I stand strong – reject my foes, I’m not gonna back down – stand toe to toe
Slip on my game face, own the space, I break pace to take praise I’m up with the greats
You can’t beat me, you haven’t got a hope, I take this serious, you’re a joke
You see me laughing? That’s coz you’ve got nothing... Check the end of my string I an’t bluffing!


BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See the conker fall, you got a tiny Nut I got a wrecking ball!
BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See the conker crack, mine’s the champ – I keep it in a Nutsack

Soak em in vinegar, Bake them in the oven, Varnishing the shell, you’re trying to discover
The secret – how do you get the perfect nut? What do I do to make my conker not erupt
It’s simple, just keep it like a science, experiment with size and shape, theory & appliance
Head down to the park or your local Rec, with a great big stick & start to inspect
The nuts that bunch as leaves start to fall, find the biggest on the branch of the “Chestnut de la Horse”
Then chuck your stick at it, grab quickly as it lands, But not too tight – you don’t want to prick your hands
Time to test it out, hold the thread tight, Set your opposition, get your target in your sights
Then swing in hard like a dodgem round a bend, But if it shatters, you Gots to start again!


BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See yours crash land, I got your conkers in the palm of my hand
BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See me swing in rough – Tell me how it feels when your nuts get crushed!

I beat the first Stone Cold like a stunner, I go to twos and double up my One’er
Take on a sixer, BANG that’s a winner..... Not bad for a beginner
Next the challenge from a Tenner’s at the mark, I smash him up like Jim the Anvil Neidhart
Eighteen’s my score and I’m yelling “Who’s Next?!” Heart in my mouth as the Top Boy steps
He’s got a 26er on his cord, My hand starts to shake as the crowd starts to roar
He takes a swing, we tangle up strings, the I take aim – FIRE & see his nut cracking
One more shot, I reckon his’ll break, He misses mine and the frown shows his mistake
I take my chance and smash him once more
I’m the champ and his nuts are all over the floor!!...

BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See the conker fall, you got a tiny Nut I got a wrecking ball!
BANG! Here comes the conker hitting hard, This is a battleground, this ain’t a schoolyard
BANG BANG! See the conker crack, mine’s the champ – I keep it in a Nutsack

credits

from RPS, released September 16, 2016

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about

The Edi Johnston Bit Nottingham, UK

A Ukulele Playing Ginger Hiphop Comedian with a bunch of daft jokes and a notebook full of stupid songs to make you smirk and grin whatever the topic.

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